Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize