Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
