I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
