im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
