dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
