im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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