just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
