He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
