ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
