that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
accomplished twins. life is a go
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
