How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
