Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
