just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
