you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
50% drunk capacity currently
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
