dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
