Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize