Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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