Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
