I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
