we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
