So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
