dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
