i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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