my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
