i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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