the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize