4 words: hood of his car
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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