I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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