All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
