Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
