i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
