he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
