So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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