We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
