Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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