What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
