When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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