just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
