at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
