She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
