Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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