there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
