He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
