I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
