Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
