Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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