I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
