every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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