Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
