I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So much Jack, so little girl.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
