so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize