Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
