I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
