About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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