I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
