Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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