there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
