I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
