i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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