know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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