Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
