Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
